There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
