I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
