p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
