Pants 0. Shit 1.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
