First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
