Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
