there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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