I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
