In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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