Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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