Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
