There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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