She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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