FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
