there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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