So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
