you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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