i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
