I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
