i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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