i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
