"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
