I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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