i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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