Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
