i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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