Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
