why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
