and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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