DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Randomize
