also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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