The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
