Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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