you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
