I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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