I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
