Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
