can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
