Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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