it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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