I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
smell my finger.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
