Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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