So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
