'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
