It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
