if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Fuck me I smell like cheese
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
