I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
