Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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