i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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