Capitaan dildo arrescate!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
