I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The best revenge is premature balding
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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