Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
