Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
