i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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