Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
